Welcome to the Hood: a practical housewarming gift

We are blessed with some really incredible friends and now two of those incredible friends are living in our neighborhood!  They got a deal on a beautiful diamond-in-the-rough and we are thrilled to call them friends and neighbors.  They have always been there for us and I knew I wanted to welcome them to our hood with a homemade and practical housewarming gift so on the day of their closing the kiddos and I left this on their doorstep.

I scored an enormous, thick glass mason jar at our local Habitat ReStore for 10 bucks!  I cut the design on Con-Tact paper using a Silhouette (you could also print out the words and then use an X-acto knife to cut the design onto the Con-Tact paper) and then after smoothing the paper onto the jar I used Armour Glass Etching Cream to etch the design onto the jar.

Then gathered some supplies: a pretty hand towel from World Market, Method hand soap in Fresh Currant, J.R. Watkins Room Freshener in lemon (or check out this post for DIY room sprays - I love using vanilla and peppermint together in a spray), a cleaner burning soy candle from Target in lemon verbena, Myers dish soap also in lemon verbena, a few cloths and sponges for cleaning and a small bottle of champagne.

I set this all on a cooler and inside the cooler was a six pack of beer because, well, moving sucks, but beer helps.

Now before you say, "Aww, how sweet." - because of course that's what you're thinking - if I were really sweet I would have cleaned up the dead bird I spotted chillin' in their driveway.

But hopefully the little gift we left made up for this little welcome gift from the neighborhood cat.  We're so glad you're here Peaches and Curry!

A Note From the Kitchen Floor

So I'm sitting in the middle of my kitchen floor.  My kitchen is pretty tiny so no matter where I sit I'm pretty much in the middle.  But here I sit in the middle of complete chaos - newly discovered mouse poo, dishes everywhere, a huge puddle on the floor that grows larger every time I turn on the faucet, which one tends to do frequently in the kitchen, forgetting that the cold water isn't completely turned off to the pipe that used to connect to our ice maker, but is now laying in a dusty pond on the floor, moldy yogurt waiting to be cleaned off the living room carpet in front of our fridge that is currently not-so-subtly placed in the living room.  Seriously, an all male suite in a college dorm has nothing on our current disaster of a home.  I sit here contemplating this beautifully written post by a dear friend and all around inspiring woman.  Her blog is almost as beautiful as she is and her posts are always so poignant and relevant.  I often find myself laughing, crying, nodding and shaking my head - or some awkward combination of the three - all while reading a single post.

Tonight her post really hit home.  I'm struggling.  Have been for a while I think.  I've always been so happy, so positive but I'm finding that the negative is trying to swallow me whole.  We're busy enough without me pursuing my passion for supporting laboring mamas, without me crafting and creating and without trying to maintain friendships or forge new ones so while I wouldn't say those things are on the back burner it's definitely a slow simmer and I miss it all so much.  And I feel so much guilt that I want to finish my birth doula certification. Why would I want to be away from my children and struggle to find someone who understands the spontaneity of birth and who is available to watch them so I can pursue what I consider my calling?

I think I hit my lowest point last weekend at Home Depot.  We were on our way to work on our all-consuming mother-in-law-home-turned-rental-property 45 minutes from our home and we needed some supplies.  Our fabulous teenage neighbors were following us in their truck to bring supplies and give us a hand with some of the work.  Eli had been sick during the week and although his fever was gone he was still out of sorts, but we had to get some work done.  He insisted on coming into the store with us.  Our precious blonde babe is challenging on a good day and this was not a good day.  He began screaming the moment we walked into the paint section of the store.  I did my best to be gentle and reassuring, but firm about what behavior was expected in the store.  He calmed down, or at least stopped shrieking. If you've never heard this child scream you can't even imagine.  I should post it on You Tube and try to achieve fame and fortune from his amazing vocal chords or at least post it as a method of birth control for horny teens.

Anyway, after a short reprieve the screaming started again when Dad walked away.  It was so sad and SOOOO annoying.  We had to stay though because we needed the paint to get the work done to try to get the house rented before we go completely broke.  So, we trudge through and I continue to be gentle, loving and firm.  The woman working in the paint department walked away to help my husband and the only people nearby are a couple in their mid fifties who have been there since we arrived.  The woman turns to me and says, "I realize that might not bother you, but it's bothering everyone else in here."  The blood left my head so fast I'm not sure how I stayed upright.  I was immediately defensive, hurt, offended, perplexed and royally pissed.  She stood about ten yards from me.  I had no idea how to respond because my first response was not only completely inappropriate for a child's delicate ears it was also beneath me.  I was better than her.  I chose to say, "Thank you for your support.  I appreciate it," with more than a hint of sarcasm.

When my husband returned I blurted out the situation.  The female employee he was with said nothing and went to join a male co-worker and customer who had just arrived.  My husband has this face that he makes when he's pissed - it's not pretty.  He had the face and I knew what he wanted to do.  I urged him to let her go and he did.  And then he asked me what color I wanted to get and I looked down at the paint chips in my trembling hands and burst into tears.  Big, honking, dripping-faucet-sized-tears that mixed with snot as they ran down my face.  I stood there sobbing not knowing what to do.  I was angry with myself for reacting that way.  I was angry with Eli, which only made me more angry with myself for feeling that way.  I was frustrated that I couldn't even pick out paint.  And I was more than a little embarrassed.  And that's when it happened. The female employee who had helped my husband and had overheard what happened left the customer she was helping and hugged me.  And I mean she HUGGED me.  Full-on head cradling, back rubbing hug.  I sobbed harder, but now it was because I felt safe to do so.  This stranger was supporting me, lifting me up and reminding me that I'm never alone even when, or especially when, I'm hurting.

I can't lie.  The stab of that woman's comment ached for a bit.  Leon saw the remnants of my tears as soon as I opened the car door.  He asked why I had been crying and I told him the truth, that someone had said something very hurtful and not helpful to me.  He said he was sorry that she had done that and that he loved me.  The sincerity of a child is so beautiful.  A few minutes later my hubby got a little snippy with me and Leon calmly, but assertively piped up and said, "Um, Dad? Someone in that store said something not nice to mommy so we should be extra nice to her because we love her."

It seems that despite my desire to pursue interests outside the realm of parenting my kids are turning out to be good, caring people.  I think Carrie said it best, "What a revolution would it be if as mothers we viewed our children with adoration and, in turn, let that adoration reflect back on ourselves, allowed ourselves to take a little credit for these beautiful little human beings we've brought into this world. What if we loved ourselves the way we love our kids?"   So thanks, Carrie.  Your blog post had a big enough impact on me to cause me to sit and breathe and take a moment for myself in the middle of what feels like (and kind of looks like) a hurricane.  Mom UR Awesome!

Letter Ball: fun with phonics

My eldest son began to show an increased interest in letters this past winter.  He was curious about how to write them, the sounds they make, and the words they form.  We try to let our children take the lead and show us what they want/need to learn.  We play with letters in the standard ways, writing words, notes to faraway friends and family, reading signs, picking out letters and sounds from words in books, etc.  But I wanted really capitalize on this increased interest by having some fun with phonics.

This activity is super fun, can be played solo or in groups, and can be adapted to fit lots of interests and abilities, ie. sight words, which we will be doing this summer, numbers, which we have done in the past, addition and subtraction, colors, animal sounds, etc.

The supplies:

• markers/crayons
• 26 pieces of paper - mine were approx. 3x4 (or 13 if you use front and back)
• a soft stuffed ball
• paper plates (optional - gives a larger target and could also be decorated)
• painters tape - or other removable tape

Depending on the age and attention span of your child, you can either prepare the game ahead of time or your child can help.  I was pleasantly surprised that my son wanted to write the letters himself.  He confidently wrote most of the alphabet, needing to see examples of B, J, K, Q, R, U and Z.  We wrote one letter on each piece of paper.  We originally used crayon, but later traced over it with purple marker to make it easier to read.  We then folded over the painters tape, stuck it on the back of the letter paper and stuck them on the wall.  We used 6 letters at a time with a few inches of spacing in between.

We put a wood block on the floor, but you could use any placeholder, like the painters tape.  Leon stood behind the line with the ball and as I made the letter sound he threw the ball to hit the letter.  We did two tries per letter.  If there were letters that he struggled with we would come back to them before switching out the letters for another set of 6.  Then we switched it up and I would say a word and Leon would throw the ball to hit the letter that the word started with.  I started out easy with letters I was sure that he knew well to build his confidence and then gradually made it more difficult by putting letters that he sometimes confuses in the same set of 6 - like the sounds made by C and S.  

Pass it On

On March 31, 2011 we found out that we were expecting a baby girl.  I didn't think I'd care, boy or girl, just healthy.  You know the line.  I even thought that maybe I'd prefer another boy to add to our very boy household.  But "it" was a she.  A girl.  My girl.  And something inside me changed - other than my blood pressure, which is a story for another day.

I had been crafting for sometime, sewing curtains, stockings, pajama pants, learning embroidery, etc, but suddenly I wanted to craft ALL the time and for everyone.  I wanted EVERYTHING to be homemade.  I also started reflecting on how quickly time was passing with our boys and how things you think swear you'll never forget become foggy at best.  It occurred to me that I was trying to make the memories more concrete by associating them with items that my children could pass on to their children and recall all of the fun times they had with them as a child.

Then one day I woke up and decided I wanted fine china.  Seriously?  Fine china?  Me?  I told my hubby and his reaction was very much the same.  But I couldn't stop thinking about it.  I wanted china to pass on to my daughter and with it all the memories of important meals, holidays and all the silly, serious, sad and loving conversations had during those meals.  I had never wanted china, ever.  I'm casual to a fault, but knowing that it was a little girl making herself at home in my uterus made me yearn for beautiful china to pass on to her.

But there's a catch.  I didn't want just any china.  You see, I grew up in a suburb of Syracuse, NY - home of Syracuse China.  I own and have owned many of their casual pieces and enjoyed shopping at their outlet store at the factory in Syracuse.  Since I'm far from my roots I thought it would be perfect to pass along a little piece of my history as well as world history (or at least Syracuse history).  You see, on Monday, April 6, 2009, after 138 years in operation, Syracuse China manufactured it's last piece in Syracuse and closed the factory.  The company, originally called Onondaga Pottery Co. when it was founded it 1871 would now be another part of Syracuse's industrial history and I wanted it to be part of mine as well.

I searched high and low for six months or so.  I had my Aunt, a professional yard saler by day and ER nurse by night, searching all summer long.  I was stalking keeping tabs on ebay and craigslist, but wasn't finding the perfect thing.  So as it turns out the girl who never wanted fine china was now a Syracuse China snob - but with good reason.  I didn't want a dated pattern that my daughter would never want to use or at least display.  I wanted something simple and timeless.  Oh, and since the factory closed price was becoming a factor.  People were asking a lot for their no-longer-available-for-retail-sale treasured china.

Then I found it.  On craigslist listed for $100 was a complete set of fine Syracuse China, service for 8 with several serving pieces.  My mom kindly agreed to go pick it up for me but when she got there the woman couldn't find it all - major bummer.  We spoke on the phone and she promised to keep looking and get in touch when she found it.  Fat chance, I thought  So imagine my complete amazement when my mom called to let me know that the missing china had been located and I was now the proud owner of  Syracuse China pattern Polaris!  Sorry for losing faith.  And here is my beautiful legacy china.

Can't you just see a turquoise or yellow plate thrown into the mix? Or a fun black and white or modern floral?  I love the versatility of this set!  And the seller packed it up so nicely so it would survive the trip from NY to NC.  Hopefully I'll actually have the guts to eat on it as the kids get a bit older.  What material things do you plan to pass on to your children?

Name My Business

I attended a DONA birth doula training in October and am finishing up my certification.  I have attended 4 beautiful and completely different births that taught me a lot about the miracle of birth, the strength of mamas, and myself as a doula and as a person.  I am in the process of joining DAMA (Doula Association of the Mountain Area).  It seems that the next logical step is to establish myself and my "brand".

I have narrowed it down to the following options.  My fabulously talented and generous friend Katie took my crazy ideas and ramblings and created two amazing logo options.  Please take a look and then vote for your favorite in the poll just below my blog title.  Thanks!

DIY Natural Air Freshener

With two kids in diapers, a dog, a cat and a sweaty athletic family there are often interesting odors wafting through our home.  We do our best to avoid artificial fragrances so I'm always looking for natural ways to freshen our home.  I was thrilled to find many solutions on pinterest.

1. DIY Room Air Freshener (pretty covered with lace and rubber band hidden by ribbon)- The Burlap Bag
2. Air Freshening Spray (add vinegar and it doubles as a window cleaner) - Smashed Peas and Carrots
3. Williams Sonoma Spring Scent - One More Moore
4. Essential Oil Air Freshener - Foodie With Family
5. Two Essential Oil Room Sprays - A Delightful Home
6. DIY Wallflowers Scented Plugin (replace the bad stuff with some good stuff) - Holy Crickey

I haven't tried them all yet, but my favorite so far is the Williams Sonoma Spring Scent.  I've only been to Williams Sonoma once many, many years ago so I can't say whether or not my house smelled like the store, but I will say that it made our home smell cozy like a cup of tea with a dear old friend.  Add a teaspoon of cinnamon for an extra bit of warmth and comfort on a rainy day.

After simmering all afternoon a lot of the liquid had evaporated, but it still smelled great and I didn't want to waste it.  After letting it cool I poured it into a Ziploc container and stuck it in the freezer.  I've used it three times and it still smells great.  Simply add water each time.  I can't wait to try some of the other air fresheners.

Update: If you've chopped your lemon and rosemary into small pieces you can also pour it into an ice cube tray and then store the frozen cubes in a freezer bag.

When a Hero Dies: talking to kids about death

We are blessed to have many amazing people in our lives.  Not a day goes by without a wonderful reminder of how truly fortunate we are.  And then there are the days when the reminder isn't wonderful - it's tragic.  That was the case on Saturday.

We had a fun and busy day filled with doula education, a soccer game, a downtown festival, lunch at a great local pizza shop and a fantastic birthday party.  After a day like that the kiddos were tired.  Eli (yup that's Bobeezer's real name) passed out in the car and needed only a brief cuddle from me to go right back to sleep.  As Leon (yup that's Lou's real name) finished a snack I took a quick peek at my email as I was waiting for a response from someone.  I saw an email from the wife of a dear friend and excitedly opened it without reading the subject line.  My heart began to pound in my chest and my stomach felt like it sank clear to the floor.  Our dear friend, and Leon's hero (our family's hero), had passed away.

How could this be?  My first thought was that I had misread the email - not the case.  My second thought was that someone was playing a not-at-all-funny practical joke.  Again, this was not the case.  Our hero was really gone and his beautiful new bride, clearly the love of his life, had graciously written to let us know.

I struggled to compose myself as I kissed my dear boy goodnight and made sure that kiss lasted extra long.  I knew what was coming.  In addition to my own grief, I would have to find a way to explain to my 4-year-old that his hero was dead.

We do everything we can to protect our children, but there was no way to protect him from this.  The best I could do was try to find a way to explain this to him in a simple way that did not scare him, but conveyed that we would not be seeing our hero again in this physical world.  A dear friend sent me two links:

I miss you - Speaking about death to children
Helping Your Child Deal With Death

They were helpful and reiterated things I had already heard like not telling the child that the deceased person is sleeping, which might make them fearful of falling asleep and not focusing on an illness, which might scare them next time they or someone they love is sick.  So after a lot of tears, lots of talking, and lots of reading my husband and I felt as prepared as possible to talk to our son, but we had no idea what to expect.

On Sunday, we put Eli down for his nap and sat Leon down to break the news.  I knew that I would have limited control over my emotions and was just hoping that I'd have enough restraint so that I didn't scare him.  I cried, which I think is healthy for him to see, but was composed enough to get through the conversation.  It went something like this:

Mom: Hey, Buddy.  Mom and Dad love you very much and we have something to talk to you about.
Leon: What?
Mom: Harold, our garbage man (even though he is no longer our garbage man), died.
Leon: When did he die?
Mom: Two days ago.
Leon: How did he die?
Mom: His body stopped working and the doctors couldn't fix him.
Leon: Did he go to the hospital?
Mom: Probably.
Leon: Oh.  How old was he?
Mom: I'm not sure, but I think he was less than 40 (I wasn't sure of his exact age.  Turns out he was 37).  His body stopped working earlier than most.
Leon: Can we count to 40?
Mom: Sure.  (And we did)
Leon: That's not a lot of numbers.
Mom: No, Baby, it's not.  His body stopped working much too early.  Harold would want you to know how special you are to him. (Insert Dad tears.  I've only seen my husband cry two other times - once at our wedding and once when our first son was born.)
Leon: I still feel his love in my head.? (This was both a statement and a question.)
Mom: And you always will.  His body stopped working, but his soul will always be with us.  He was a great friend to us and we should always remember him and keep him in our hearts.
Leon: I will.

We all will.  We made the trip to Maryland for his funeral service.  It was beautiful, sad, inspirational, exhausting, comforting, and final.  He can rest and his loved ones can try to heal.  It was so moving to hear about all the people he touched in his short life.  They mentioned Harold's special relationship with Leon during the service and that made Leon smile as he shyly snuggled closer to me.  We had the pleasure of meeting Harold's mother, his twin sister, his other sister and many friends and cousins.  We were able to hug his beautiful wife.

They handed out a program/obituary with a large picture of Harold.

Leon: Can I keep this?
Mom: Yeah.  Would you like that?
Leon: Yes.  It will help me remember him.
*Mom hug and hair tousle.*
Leon: Mom, I think he's smiling at me.
Mom: Yes, he is.

I'm sure of it.  His smile was infectious.

I know that Leon does not and can not completely understand, but I feel like he knows enough.  I hope this was the hardest step and that as the questions come I will be prepared to deal with them.

I linked up at The Mob Society where you can read other inspiring posts about the amazing world of boys.